My friends, they love my intelligence
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
