this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
