What did we do last night that was yellow?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
