is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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