She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
