hotel room ftw
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
