I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
