how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize