pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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