The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
