So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
