I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
