I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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