I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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