Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
