right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
