you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize