the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
