I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
