I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
