I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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