Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
