wanna go halves on a baby?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
