so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
