What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
