Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
