and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Im part way to drunk.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
