i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i believe in u and ur pee
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
