my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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