these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
