Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
