I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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