we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
