i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
