if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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