In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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