I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
