Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
