i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
