i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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