Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So squirting runs in the family.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i've created a new STD.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
