I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
