saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
