she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
