I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
