I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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