The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
