How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
