I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
