so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
