This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
