Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
