So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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