You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
