Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
