Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
