when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he thought i was a dude.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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