new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Randomize
