The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
