My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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