I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
