My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
