Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
