even my farts smell like vagina
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
