then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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