How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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