Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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