You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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