Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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