i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
