So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
