At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
