he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize