I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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