We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
