drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
