And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
