i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
