I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
vagina is talking i cant
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize