I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
