we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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