You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
