Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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