my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
