tell your sister to shave her snatch
I skipped work to stalk him.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
