For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
