I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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