Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
