Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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