By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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