Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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