pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
