He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
