We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
