I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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